MUSINGS: the importance of listening to your heart

It’s often cited that nourishing one’s soul with things that you LOVE to do is a sure fire way to get on the path to true happiness.

Many a wise person has mused and reflected on the art of enriching one’s life through self-fulfilment. Following your dreams, taking the time to indulge in your passions, and just taking the time out to do the stuff that YOU want to do. Seems perfectly simple and obvious doesn’t it?

Yet sometimes we get so trapped in the minutiae of routine and existence that we lose sight of what it is that makes us happy. Everything external to us in our immediate periphery seems to be dull, boring and eating away at our soul’s pure intent. It’s too easy to lose the rays of sunshine and happiness when your time is sucked away by things you’d prefer not to be doing.

I know that my happiness definitely tends to derail when I am too busy working, and I disconnect from those things that make my heart sing its true song. The little things that make your EVERYTHING smile. That make time stretch…and sometimes stop altogether! You catch yourself in a magical moment, truly and utterly feeling blissful and blessed.

These past few months for me have been another kind of crazy. I’ve embarked back into the full time corporate world again after a small period of searching for the NBT. I’m in great industry, in a role where I am more than capable and very experienced. It offers plenty of challenges and scope to learn. And the culture is great.

Yet, I’m left lost and lonely at the end of every working week, wondering where the hell my time, mojo and energy went. Wondering which damned corner my joy disappeared around. Confused and afraid that my life is slipping by in a whir of daily grinds, to do lists and constant deadlines. During the working week, serenity and zen are two words that tend to vanish from the soul’s vernacular and are replaced by stress, limits, errands, timelines, and looking after other  people’s needs well beyond my own. 4 months in and I am really struggling.

I told myself this year would be the year I would HAVE to do this. I would have to bury myself in a full time job and get myself financially back on track, slowly chipping away at the last vestiges of debt that have been trailing me for some time. Although mostly mopped up now, there is a still a good amount of knuckling down to do before I can survey my surroundings and not see any lingering financial worries in my periphery. Though deep down I chose this, and remind myself of this very fact every day, it doesn’t get easier. In a nutshell I am over this full time thing; it’s slooooowly wearing me down and a thick black cloud has been blooming over my head, growing fatter and more ominous with every passing day.

Above all I yearn for my time back. Commuting for hours a day is starting to wear thin, especially in this bitterly cold and gloomy winter. I crave one morning a week where I don’t have to rush, not be on the clock; where I can be myself and not feel like a f*cking robot. I wish for just one day during the week where I don’t have to jump on that wheel, join that queue and be battered and hammered by the proverbial mass drudging their sad, unfulfilled souls along the path well worn.

I’m sure every full timer feels this way from time to time. There are some that are blessed in that they TRULY and utterly LOVE their day job: I have yet to find that synthesis. So I’ve set myself a limit of when this will have to end, before I lose all remnants of sanity and my passion for life. When that time comes I will seek that all elusive work life balance and commit to it hard. Until then I must listen to my heart as much as I can, and take the time to re-connect with my passions again. I have to. My happiness depends on it.

This weekend, I’ve committed to doing lots of what I absolutely adore, whatever that entails; lots of time to do some yoga and meditation would be a great start. To get some writing done would be another win. I’d also love to spend half a day out of the city, far away from the traces of the rat race, perhaps hiking through the hills or finding a hidden waterfall. The smell of fresh air is beckoning! I’m also planning lots of family time and merriment with my some very quality friends, seeing some bands, and just celebrating being! All the things that make me forget the creeping, pervasive unhappiness I am starting to feel on the regular because of this working life.

On a good weekend, when the time stretches out (very rare) and there aren’t too many errands to be done or commitments to be adhered to, makeup is always on the cards. Coming up with a concept to transform a face or body; painting some crazy colours, or some intricate design or some gory SFX (I love making myself look like a creepy scary mess) – these all very much ignite the inner fires. I am safe in the knowledge that the savage beast will be temporarily sated whilst I am in my zone.

There are other things that make my soul fly to its happy place and they are always on my list of things I’d love more time to do: art of any kind. Photography. Dancing in whatever form takes my fancy. Cuddling my awesomely handsome and cuddly cat. Cooking something ultra-magnifique. Travelling. Staring at the clouds. Taking a long luxurious soak in a hot tub (never happens, but damn its great when it does).

It doesn’t matter what it is –skating, building, biking, redecorating your office, sowing a veggie garden, playing with your pets – anything that puts you in a place of zen is a good thing, and you need to nourish this. Knowing where to get your kicks and connecting with your true inner fire is a gift that you should always give to yourself.

I’m re-committing to making time for my heart’s passions, as often as possible- regardless of what the clock says.

Let’s do this together.




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